New to Triathlons, New to Shropshire. An Orthotist tracks her training with a love of spreadsheets, graphs, photos and prose.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Scared of a Motivation Slump.

If you read back over how i have managed to stay motivated to work out, it's by having a goal of entering a race.  I simply don't work(out) well without a goal. And that goal need to be tangible. Not merely be stronger, loose 10lbs or feel healthier, i want a race bib, perhaps even a medal or t-shirt to go with the pride of finishing something i have worked hard for.

I had my appointment with my consultant about my hip, and he came to the same conclusion as the medical director i briefly spoke to.  The only option is surgery - or nothing of course, but if i want to be pain free, surgery it is.  I was lucky in that i got a bit of a staff bonus by him seeing me so soon - one week instead of 2+ months - but i doubt that he will bump me up his 3-6 month surgical list.  You may think being medical staff i would think to bring or wear shorts to the appointment but no, i just wore loose trousers thinking that may be good enough.  Not that clever me, so a gown it was. Of course then he has to pull up the gown to see my spine and pelvis, with me just in my knickers.  Great, so the guy i work with has now seen my ass! In boy shorts, thank goodness not a g-string day!!

 First i have to have a contrast MRI.  I have a local anaesthetic in my hip area, they inject some contrasting stuff and then i have an MRI.  Doc said to make my hip hurt before they scan so they can see if there is any inflammation or the like. Sure, at least i know exactly how to make it hurt.

After the scan we will meet again and confirm that i want to go ahead with the surgery.  Its a horrible procedure, with many risks.  There are of course the everyday surgical risks of infection, reactions to anaesthesia etc. but also as they have to dislocate my hip and put in under traction to get in to the socket, there is potential for nerve damage through stretching it too far.  And who would choose to have their hip dislocated?? The only nice thing is that its arthroscopic so the scars would be very minimal.

The recovery is the unknown, and i didn't even really discuss it with him.  Its so patient dependent i understand that. I will be keen to work hard, and get back to work and get my fitness back so i will be on the shorter side of recovery times.  But probably 3-4 weeks off work as i read 6 weeks, so i bet i can cut that!

So one of my concerns is this run up to surgery.  I could be in in a few months, say March, or it could be 6 months.  This means that i can not sign up for any triathlons.  Or really any races. I can't afford to waste money even on the cheapest of short running races.  So i'm scared.  I have to keep in the best shape possible to make my surgery less risky my recovery quicker but its just not the same as training for a race.  I am also annoyed that, after a year of training, being the fittest i have ever been - no kidding, surgery is going to take it away. To knock back months of work.  To potentially stop me competing this coming season.  I feel like its just beyond reach, something i have wanted for what seems forever - even though its really only 8 months.  And if i don't get to compete in 2011 then who knows when!  I hope to be pregnant sometime soon also.

I like the idea of maintaining my fitness in case surgery is nearer the summer, then just jumping in on a sprint tri last minute, but as i understand it, they sell out before they start.  I'm guessing i could jump in to a running race late in the game so perhaps concentrating a bit more on my running speed to reduce my 5k or 10k time will keep me motivated.  I am about to sign up for the Telford 10k and plan to find a few more in the winter months.

I will race god damn it!

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